soap box

I was reading a couple of articles about a few mommy fitness bloggers- and one I believe was a fitness model.  They were under complete scrutiny for showing their "post baby" pictures.  They still had abs, they still were fit, and they looked amazing!  I don't understand why these women are getting chastised for showing their amazing fit bodies!  

These women obviously worked extremely hard BEFORE they got pregnant to get fit.  So, yes after they had their babies they are going to look good!  I am playing catch-up I was exercising a little bit before I got pregnant with Tye, however, I wasn't in shape before any of my pregnancies.  I have taken month-by-month pictures of my transformation to a healthy life.  But I'm not quite sure I'm ready to share those yet. (I'm kinda white and pasty in the pictures!)  

I am proud to see how far I have come- I am so excited for these women who are fit post-baby.  I can't wait until I am that fit (I am 7 months post-baby and am in better shape than I've been in YEARS! But I am nowhere near their fitness level, YET!)  I really don't understand why someone being healthy and fit are getting so much flack!  They have put in the hard work, and trust me there is no "pill" or "easy way out" to getting fit.  It is lots of water, sweat, and kicking your own butt, and eating right EVERY DAY!  A quote that I love: "Get Fit at the Gym, Loose weight in the kitchen!"  I do have a picture to show part of my transformation thus far: 1st picture is my wedding day in 2009, second is in July of this year, and the last was taken today!  (My actual transformation pictures are the same angle and same day every month-)

 

 

Banana Peanut Butter Chocolate Cake

Serves: 18

Calories: 63

11 g Carbs

4 g Protein

1 g Fat

6 g Sugar

46 mg Sodium

2 very ripe bananas

1/4 cup unsweetened apple sauce

2 tbsp creamy peanut butter (blend together!)

In a separate mixer:

1 cup oat flour

1/2 cup unpacked light brown sugar

1/4 cup truvia

1 scoop Dymatize Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein 

1 tsp baking powder

3/4 tsp baking soda 

Pinch of low sodium salt 

Mix wet/ dry ingredients together- then add three egg whites

Add about 1/4 cup of wheat flour to mixture to get it a thicker consistency

Bake at 350 for 20 mins

After baked you can put chocolate chips on it and melt them on it or it was amazing plain- Nutella would also be amazing if you want that extra chocolate taste!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reminder to Myself:

I am going to share my two biggest fears: Mirrors and trying on pants in a dressing room.  Yes, these are my biggest fears.  As I have been on this journey of getting healthy, I am being forced to get over my fears.  I have an amazing husband who has been helping me concur these irrational fears, and has made me feel beautiful through this whole process (and before as well!)  I started this journey to a healthy life in May of 2013, I had had my second child a month prior and I wanted to get fit and make sure my girls knew what living healthy was. Since my amazing husband had lost 65 lbs while I was pregnant, it was easy for me to fall into this healthy living once I had the green light after having my baby.  In July 2013 my husband learned of my fears: what an eye opening experience that was for him... (sorry babe!)  

We were going to be going on a family vacation to Disneyland, and I needed some pants- my mom watched the girls and we headed to the outlets by our house for me to try on some clothes (or so Derrick thought).  Instead, he saw me have a huge meltdown in a dressing room.  I had been working so hard for two months and I wasn't seeing any results.  I have this mental block with numbers, I don't know if it is because of society telling me that to be beautiful you need to be at the highest a size 4 or if it is because when I was at my smallest I fit into a size 2.  Either way, I was NOWHERE near that size, I was fitting into a 14- I broke down.  I was sick and tired of feeling Fat, Ugly, and Gross.  I was at a store trying on pants that I already had a fear of.  You see "Fat Annie" had shopped there before, and she "fat girl ripped" these pants at one time.  (I know anyone who has struggled with their weight knows what rip in your pants I'm talking about- the one down the inseam of your jeans- where it pulls so much that it starts to fray, then one day you are getting into your car or walking or getting up and they split- usually in the most inconvient time. You know the "fat girl rip")  I didn't want to try on these pants because I already had a mental block that I would be ugly in them.  As I tried to pull these past my thighs and I muffin topped myself into these things I lost it. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was "Fat Annie"  I started bawling, not just tears but uncontrollable shaking.  Derrick happened to be bringing me a couple other styles of jeans when this happened.  He handled this in the most amazing way I could have imagined.  He let me cry for a second, then he wiped away my tears and told me how beautiful I was- and that I had just given him his second child and I needed to let my body heal, that yes my hips were going to be little wider, for now- but that I would have my body back soon. But most importantly he told me that I was beautiful, and I believed him.  He then told me I didn't have to try on any more of these pants if I didn't want to (and I sure as hell didn't want to) We left the store, I think I only ended up getting one pair of pants at another store that day because I just couldn't bare the thought of purchasing that size of pants.  

On the way to the car after this horrible experience Derrick knew I needed a little "tough love" (oh does that man know me all too well!)  He asked me if I wanted to change, if I wanted to get healthy for the right reasons (for myself, not for him, or the girls, but if I wanted to change for ME!)  I truly did- so he helped me set up a plan for how I was going to get fit, healthy, and how I was going to start feeling better about myself!  I have been doing this now for 6 months (I am in my 4th month with my new plan and motivation)  I have started seeing results, not just in my body, but in myself!  I am proud of myself, I am starting to see myself as my husband has seen me for years!  But for those hard days, when 4 AM seems too daunting, or when you feel like you aren't at your best, or you feel like giving up REMEMBER:

*You have an amazing support system.  (Thank You to all who have helped me on my journey to a healthy life)

*You are beautiful. (Again, Thank You to all who have made me feel this way, Even when I don't see it)

*See how far you have come

*Be proud of yourself (You are no longer in a size 14, you are in a 6!)

*You can run as long as you set your mind to

*If you think you can't, you are right!

*Getting fit isn't a number it is a lifestyle

*You are doing this the right way!

*The hard work is paying off

*Don't let one bad day dictate your future

*Set goals, then CRUSH them!

*It isn't going to be easy, but it WILL be worth it! 

*EAT! (Healthy foods, not binge)

*Because you are doing this the right way- it will stay off

*No more yo-yo diets

*Most importantly LOVE YOURSELF! 

 

 

Mock Zupas Chicken Enchilada Soup

Chicken cut into chunks and browned with 1 small white onion (you can also use shredded chicken) I use for a LARGE pot worth 2 large chicken breasts or 3 small/medium sized ones.

2 cups of low sodium chicken broth

1 6 oz can of tomato paste (and 1 can worth of water)

1 can of Rotel

1 can of green chilies w/ the liquid

1 can of black beans rinsed and drained

1 tbsp mince garlic

1 tbsp chili powder

1/2 tsp cumin

Put all of the above ingredients into a large pot and put on a medium heat

*In a small sauce pan you'll be making the Roux: (all on a low/medium heat)

1/4 cup butter melted in small sauce pan

whisk in 1/2 cup flour until it makes a smooth lump (don't try using wheat flour- it doesn't work...I need to experiment with unflavored protein powder...but haven't had time to try!)

Once it is a smooth lump add 1 cup of skim milk

Whisk that until the sauce is smooth

Sprinkle cheese over the top of the sauce (I use about a 1/4 of a cup- 1/2 cup)

Melt Cheese into the Roux and make sure it smooths back out 

**SLOWLY add the Roux to the pot of soup to thicken it up and give it the cheesy/creamy taste!

***If you want to give this more of a kick add 2 tbsp chili powder

****OR if you are serving it for wimps, add about a cup of corn to it to tame the flavor down

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oatmeal Almond Joy Cookies

So...I may have forgotten a couple pieces of almond joys...like putting an almond on the top of these...oops! Next time though!

1 cup oat flour (literally just grind up in a blender dry oatmeal)

1/4 cup apple sauce

1/4 cup truvia

1/2 cup unpacked brown sugar

1 tbsp butter or butter substitute (I did use margarine...which normally I never would but I ran out of apple sauce)

1/2 cup milk chocolate chips

1 egg 

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

1 cup oats

1/2 tsp baking soda (heaping)

pinch of salt 

Mix together sugars and butter to kinda make it "creamy"

Throw everything into a bowl and mix together.

Bake at 350 for 9 mins

take out at the 9- mine kept cooking after I took them out of the oven!

This made 28 cookies:

76 Calories, 11 grams of Carbs, 3 grams of Fat, 2 grams protein, 7 mg in sodium/sugar.

*next time I make this I will most likely add protein to it as well as an almond sliver on top.  I have been trying to make sure in my baking I add protein because with my current lifestyle change the stage I am  in I need more protein in my diet, and this is a good way for me to mask it without feeling like I'm only eating chicken and eggs! (Also, Happy note- I am half way to my goal weight!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oatmeal cookies

Yields: 4 dozen

6 packets instant oatmeal

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/2 cup Dymatize Vanilla Protein Powder

pinch of salt substitute

3/4 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 cup truvia

1/2 tbsp cinnamon

1/2 tbsp apple spice seasoning

in blender:

3/4 cup pumpkin

1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce

1 banana

mix pumpkin mix into dry ingredients and add 3 egg whites

Bake at 350 degrees for 8 mins

right after you take them out of the oven add three milk chocolate chips to each cookie (while they are still hot to make sure that they melt onto cookie!)

each cookie is: 31 calories, 6 grams carbs, 1 gram fat, 2 grams protein, 17 gram sodium, 1 gram sugar  

April 27th

I normally do not talk religion nor do I write more than one post in a year... However, during the last year I have had quite a few spiritual experiences that at this point I feel I can share. April 27th 2012 was one of the hardest days I've ever had, as a woman, as a mother, as a human, and as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. On April 27th, 2012 I lost my second child- I was around 10 weeks pregnant, yes I know that so many people have had miscarriages and that it is a "normal" thing. However for me, it was devastating. I questioned so many things in my life at that moment. I tried being strong telling my sister and my mom over the phone that I had to have a D & C because my body hadn't recognized the fetus had stopped developing at 6 weeks. I was given a few options as how to "terminate" the pregnancy. I decided the best option was to have a D & C, so on April 27th at 4:30 in the morning I was at the hospital waiting for this to happen. I did have a very positive doctor who was saying there was no reason why I would have to wait to try and get pregnant again. 

 Yes, I wanted this to be over and I wanted to look past this and get started on expanding my family. A couple of days after my surgery I received a call from my Dr's office (just a secretary) saying that there were some weird pathogens in the fetus and not to worry it most likely was cancerous. Yes, not to worry that most likely it was cancerous, so not only had I lost a child- but that I might have had cancer. I was trying to process this information as I called Derrick, he immediately started stressing even more and made me call back and talk to someone else. I did and I was told I had to go in and get my blood drawn every week until my HGC levels were below 5, yes the single digit 5.  To ensure that it wasn't cancerous, We had to wait to start trying again until this happened, or it would be a HUGE sign that I did have cancer not a miscarriage/cancer.  My first draw was a week after my D & C and it was in the 18,000! (Not only did I have to go to the hospital at 6 am each friday to get this done, but the registration nurse asked if I was getting my HCG levels checked because of my abortion. Not miscarriage, but ABORTION! I bawled the whole way home from the hospital!) I had 5 weeks of blood draws before my HGC levels were below 5! That was such an awesome phone call from the nurse, she was just as excited as I was!  

I physically started healing, however, emotionally I struggled for MONTHS! A few months after my miscarriage I was so blessed to become pregnant again, I was extrememly fearful to tell anyone this time around.  I waited until I was 13/14 weeks before we told anyone (Ok so I take that back, both of our moms knew-but that was it).  I waited until the heartbeat was super strong, I paniced each time I felt a pain.  I wanted this baby, but I feared something was going to go wrong.  It wasn't until after our second appointment with the doctor that it finally felt real and right! I was finally going to have another baby! I had a very healthy and "normal" pregnancy- I was a high risk pregnancy with Zoe, so to have everything go acording to plan with Tye was just a miracle in and of itself!  

I threw up so much more with this pregnancy, I had aches and pains, I had heartburn, and I LOVED every second of my pregancy.  I was thankful for it.  No, I didn't like most of it, but I LOVED that I was pregnant with a healthy baby girl.  I was blessed.  I knew that the Lord had a plan for me and my family.  I knew that I was going to be ok, and that I would eventually be able to help others who had/have gone through this!  I am finally ready to tell my story, I don't know why it has taken me over a year and a half to tell it.  I think I have been shown courage from so many others who have gone through this, many who have hidden the fact that they have lost a child from everyone around them.  We live in a day and age where it is starting to be talked about more, where it is being accepted.  I wish that people would reach out to others when someone goes through this tragic loss and create a support system for them.  I had an amazing support system from my husband, and my family.  But outside of my family, noone else knew.

I was about 7 months pregnant when I figured out what April 27th really was.  One year to the day of my miscarriage was my due date for Tye.  It doesn't make me forget or replace my loss, but it does help me remember to treasure every moment I have with my healthy baby girl! And how blessed I am to have been able to get pregnant.  

I do have a little bit of advice for those who haven't dealt with this before:   

#1- Think about the husband (or father of the child) they too are going through an emotional time, they too have lost a child, even though they don't have the physical aspect of it they do have the emotional side of it. Everyone forgets about the husband during this time. And as a wife trying to recover I was trying to help him with his pain too.

#2- I don't want to hear about the multitude of miscarriages that people can have. I had one, I don't want to hear that Betty Sue had 7 of them! That is NOT encoraging. I want more children I DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS SIX MORE TIMES THANK YOU!

#3- Let us grieve anyway we want. One day I might want to talk about it, but the next I want to act as though it never happened. 

#4- Don't ask me becasue my child is getting around the age of two, when I'm going to have another- trust me I wish I knew. And if all I can do is give a weak smile when you ask don't make up some assuption as to why- ("Oh you see that! She doesn't want any more"- Really?!?!)

#5- Its ok to ask me how I'm doing, my answer might be a lie- but at least you are giving me the option to tell you the truth.

#6- Don't give me the pitty look- I am still me.

#7- You can still tell me if you are having a bad day- I might be going through my own issues right now, but it doesn't mean I can't help you with yours! 

 I hope and pray that one day if someone else goes through this and needs to talk about it, or needs a shoulder to cry on, or someone to be mad about the situation with.  I want to be there for them.  I hate that we live in a day and age when this tragic loss still has to be hidden!  I have been blessed and I know that one day I will be able to raise my baby, my husband was amazing through this experience.  He always stayed positive through the entire ordeal, he wanted a family as much as I did, and he is my rock!  I love him every day for this!  I love my girls, and am blessed to be their mother! I love my family and hope that I can help others who might be struggling with this!