confessions of a new mommy-formula vs. breastfeeding

I know my baby is ten months old now, but this is something that has been on my mind for quite a few months.  Why I as a mother decided to formula feed my daughters.  Yes, I know the health benefits of breastfeeding.  I see the judgemental looks at church when I pull out the bottle to feed my child, I see the scoffs at the store when I have formula in my cart, and guess what?!  I don't care what you think or feel about MY judgement call. 

With my first baby, I was unable to breastfeed.  I had surgery when she was five days old, I was told to "pump and dump" for twelve hours after, so right from the get-go I was encouraged at the hospital just to formula feed, I wasn't given much of a choice, but where I was so sick I was more concerned about getting better, I tried the pumping thing, but when I ended up having to "pump and dump" for over 24 hours (due to having to have a second surgery), and my milk hadn't come in all the way, I was kinda shot!  I tried everything to get my milk to come in, and no avail! So, Zoe was formula fed right from the start.  Yes, I feel like I was sort of cheated with no help from the nursing staff when I asked about nursing my daughter.  But I got over this roadblock, I found that I could still be an amazing mom even with a bottle!  Zoe has had no issues developmentally with formula, she has been ahead of the curve all three years! We did have roadblocks finding the right formula for her, she had bad reflux.  Through trial and error we finally found a formula that worked for her, and she was a healthy baby!

With my second, I tried the breastfeeding.  Right after she was born, she had VERY low blood sugar, I was encouraged to breastfeed, I tried, she didn't latch very well.  But her blood sugar did rise, when she was getting bathed, it dropped again, the nurses asked if it would be ok, in her best interest to give her a little formula to raise it.  We both agreed this was the best choice for our tiny baby!  I had a SPECTACULAR nurse this time around, who helped me nurse, she gave me tricks and whatever she could to help me be successful this time around.  When we got home from the hospital, Tye still wouldn't latch, she got very distracted, and it was a battle, but I was determined to be successful this time around.  

At Tye's two week check-up she still wasn't back up to her birth weight. My pediatrician asked if I was supplementing with formula, I was a tiny bit as a trick to try and get her to latch.  She was handling the formula but getting frustrated every time she ate.  I had to do a weight check two days after her two week appointment to make sure she was gaining weight appropriately.  I had to give her formula between feedings, and I was pumping at least every two hours.  My milk wasn't coming in very well.  I had a hard time eating enough food, getting enough sleep, and drinking enough water (yes these are excuses! But when you are responsible for getting your child nutrient's, and they aren't developing "on track" and you are exhausted food and water are the last thing on your mind, SLEEP is the only thing you really want!) She had gained .2 lbs at her "weight-check" so she was out of the danger zone, and I was told to keep doing what I was.  

When Derrick was home, I was able to dedicate my energy to breastfeeding, but if he had to run to the store, or go to work, or sleep, well I was on my own, I was forced to put Zoe in a highchair while I tried to feed Tye.  Tye couldn't have any distractions while trying to feed.  And Zoe being a curious 2 year old (at the time) would get into anything she could while I was tied down to the couch.  So, I had to either put her in a highchair, or lock her into her room.  I felt like the worst parent in the world.  I was neglecting my oldest so I could fight with my newborn to try and breastfeed.  At 8 weeks I made the BEST decision I have made as a mother.  I went completely to formula, I finally was able to see the joy in motherhood again.  I loved both of my girls, and I was able to enjoy having a crazy 2 1/2 yr old Zoe and a sweet newborn.   

Tye had no issues whatsoever with formula, we didn't have any trial or error with her, she adapted to whatever formula she was given.  She gained weight, she has had no health issues, and had been developmentally on track as well!  I feel no guilt or remorse for giving either of my daughters formula, I attempted, I hated EVERY second of it.  I was becoming depressed, and felt like a failure.  By choosing to formula feed, I was given the confidence I needed to be a great mom.  This small sacrifice of choosing NOT to breastfeed helped me connect with my daughter more than breastfeeding ever did.  It allowed me to see my self-worth and gave me the joy of motherhood back.  

The choice I made to formula feed was the best choice I made for me and my family.  I am able to brush off those nasty looks because I know what I was sacrificing when I attempted to breastfeed.  I am so proud of those women who are able to successfully breastfeed.  The sacrifice they make of their own sleep, and energy for their children.  It was not for me, or my girls.  And I will never judge anyone for making the choice one way or the other.  As long as you love and adore your children and have their health as your top priority you won't go wrong in the choice YOU make!  Don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty for making the CHOICE one way or the other, if you choose to sacrifice your time and energy to breastfeed, or if you choose to formula feed, it is a choice only you can make for you and your children!

Brownies

*Note...this should be consumed with low fat frozen vanilla yogurt!
** add other ingredients to change it up, like chocolate chips, or coconut, or walnuts...you pick!

Brownie:

3 egg whites

1/3 cup vanilla low fat Greek yogurt

(blend these together for about 10 seconds in blender or in my case Ninja)

add:

1 can garbanzo beans

3 tbsp almond milk

1/2 cup 100% cocoa powder

1/2 tsp baking powder

3/4 cup honey

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 scoop Cellucor Chocolate Moulton whey protein 

Blend together until there are no chunks- completely liquid

Bake at 350 for 25 mins

this serves 18,
45 calories, 6 grams carbs, 1 gram fat, 4 grams protein, 2 mg sugar, 136 mg sodium

Phase 3-

I haven't written on here in a while, like everyone else, I've gotten busy.  I currently am a mom of two very active, amazing, funny girls.  I am a wife to a husband who works 40+ hours a week (12 hour shifts) (on top of being a full time student).  I also work 3 days a week.  I see my husband a couple of hours a day, due to our very busy lives.  

Through all the hustle and bustle of life, I am trying to get healthy.  I am taking at least one hour a day all to myself, and being selfish.  This hour a day is my time to think, to watch whatever I want to, and to listen to whatever cheesy dance music I can.  The only thing is...I am doing all of this while trying to burn as many calories as possible at the gym.  The gym is MY TIME!  I am sacrificing an hour of sleep every morning to maintain my sanity.  I am running out all of my frustrations from mean customers at work, or with whining kids from the previous day, and  getting myself ready for the day to come.  I am taking this time to become the best me I know how to.  I have my downfalls, and my set backs on a regular basis.  

Even though I am working out 5 days a week, I started to plateau in my weight loss.  I got frustrated, at this point in my husbands healthy lifestyle change he was about 5 pounds away from his goal, and I am still 15 pounds away.  I have lost 40 so far, but hadn't lost any in a few weeks.  I shared my annoyance with Derrick.  So he adjusted my workout routine yet again.  And I was put on a strict clean eating "cleanse". 

Phase 3:

50 mins of HARD cardio, this can be whatever cardio I want, but I have to do 50 mins of it- Through trial and error, I have found that I need to do at least a mile of the treadmill to "warm-up" this gets my heart rate above 170.  I have always had a VERY high resting heart rate, but low blood pressure.  So in order for me to burn the most calories I have to keep my heart rate above 166 through my cardio routine.   I use my heart rate monitor to keep this in check.  As long as I run first, I am able to maintain my optimal heart rate for calories burned.  Every other day, I run a mile, then I do the stair climber for the rest of the time.  The opposite days, I run a 5K on the treadmill, then I go to the elliptical and complete the time, or I speed walk on the treadmill, at a high incline (4.2 mph, with an incline of 8) I rotate between these so I don't get burned out on any of these, and so that I trick my body into not getting lazy.  (If you do the same routine every day, it takes about 6 times in a row for your body to figure out the laziest way to complete the task at hand, so switch it up so that your body is "tricked")

20 mins of weights- this is a low-impact, fast-paced, higher-reps. Weight training.  What has been called the "cave-man" workout! I rotate between core, arms, legs, and back. (I pick two a day to focus on and rotate between them)

As far as my eating habits, I struggled through the holidays.  I snacked more than I should have, I started to get a major sweet tooth.  I became addicted to graham crackers and pretty much any carb sweet treat.  It had become an issue.  So my new cleanse, I couldn't snack on any carbs. (I could still eat my almond-butter and jelly sandwich)  Any treat that I ate, I had to be able to name all of the ingredients in it.  (So my treats switched from graham crackers, to fruits).  I could have one carb treat a week, but even with that I had to be able to name all of the ingredients- so natural treats that we baked I could have.  This is for a whole month, and then we will re-evaluate my eating habits.  I am eating lots of lean-proteins, fruits, veggies, and healthy fats.  

Another thing I have had to do, increase my water intake.  I carry a water bottle with me, and I need to drink at least 72 oz of water a day, I am increasing my intake daily, and want to get to up to the gallon challenge (drink at least a gallon of water a day) but I am far from this! But just another goal I get to reach for and then crush! 

By doing this, I have re-triggered my weight loss, and have gotten back on pace.  I have my struggles, but I learn from them.   I have learned that I lose weight differently than Derrick did.  I also know that I have different areas that I needed to tone/lose more weight because well, having two kids will do that to you! It has been a challenge for Derrick as well, as he is trying to coach me through this, because my body type has reacted differently than his did to different activities.  Something I have to remember: some activity is better than NO activity, switching an unhealthy habit for a healthy one, has NEVER hurt anyone.  Also, I won't regret what I did today a month from now, but I will regret not doing anything!  

I have found a love for this healthy stuff!  I thank my stubbornness, and my husband for this!